A Sneak Peek into In Bloom 2025

When it comes to love and relationships, we are bombarded with myths and fairy tale notions.  We asked the experts: What is one relationship myth you’d love to dispel? In this special episode, our In Bloom 2025 speakers—Dr. Sara Nasserzadeh, Damona Hoffman, Dr. Ramani Durvasula, Silvy Khoucasian, Bryan Reeves, and Dr. Shamyra Howard—come together for a dynamic conversation on love, dating, and relationships.

From the pressures of “relationship goals” to the myth that couples become one when they commit, our expert panel breaks down some of the biggest misconceptions about love. They share insights on individuality within relationships, how to navigate modern dating, and what they’ll be teaching at In Bloom 2025.

If you're looking for fresh perspectives on what makes relationships thrive, this episode is a must-listen! And if you want to dive even deeper, join us in Vancouver or online this April—tickets are going fast!

🎟 Get your ticket for In Bloom 2025 at www.inbloomsummit.com and use the code LETSTALKLOVE for 15% off!

We want to hear from you! Send us your anonymous questions for the Podcast as well as our weekly IG Live Ask The Experts Q&A. https://realloveready.com/submitaquestion

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Credits: the Let’s Talk Love Podcast is hosted by Robin Ducharme, recorded and edited by Maia Anstey, and transcribed by Otter.ai.

Transcript

Robin | Hello everyone and welcome to Let's Talk Love. I'm just so excited right now. I really am because I'm joined by all of these beautiful amazing people that are going to be teaching us at In Bloom next month in Vancouver. Thank you all for joining me today. Yay! This is so fun to have all of us on this episode and all of your faces. It's just...

All Speakers | [offering thanks]

Robin | This is great. And when we are together in Vancouver next month, it's April 4th to the 6th This is going to be Real Love Ready's third annual in-person summit, our sixth summit. But it really is something that I look forward to every year because we come together as a community and we're able to learn together and grow together. And those, you haven't spoken at the summit yet, this amazing group, but I'm just gonna tell you, the energy in the room is palpable. You can feel it. And people leave and they're just like, I can't believe I didn't know what I didn't know. And they walk into their lives being able to change their relationships. So that's really what this is about. So I'm just so excited to have you. I thought what we would do if you're okay with this is just go around the room. I know we're not the same room, but let's just imagine.

Dr. Shamyra| Mmm.

Robin | And can you please introduce yourself? Tell us what you're working on right now in your professional life and what you're gonna speak about, what you're teach about in the summit.

Dr. Sara, would you start please?

Dr. Sara | Sure. So I'm Sara Naserzadeh. It's lovely to be here. I'm familiar with most of your works. I mean, I'm familiar with all of you, but most of your works because you each do so much. Right now I'm working on this model of love by design because I believe that true love should give your heart a break, not another heartbreak. And it's not just a slogan.

It's really important, like for example Dr. Romani talks about how move away from the toxic terminologies that we have around love, like I love you could be beautiful, could be the most dangerous thing that we tell each other, or I can just go around the room and talk about each of your words, and how my hope is when we come together, we can really shift the discourses that we have around love and relationships.

and help people to define and refine their perceptions about love because we really don't know what we're doing, well, majority of the world, right? So now we know better based on research, work, experience. So let's just show people the way to get the love they desire and deserve. That's me.

Robin | Excellent. Demona?

Damona | Yes, hi, I'm Damona Hoffman. I am a certified dating coach and I really specialize in helping people figure out what they want and message that out to the world to get what they want in relationships. So I started out as a dating profile writer over 18 years ago and I know a lot of people are like online dating didn't exist then. No, it definitely did. I actually met my husband online 21 years ago.

and really figured out the way to crack the code on dating apps. And so I've worked behind the scenes at many dating apps, including OKCupid, Match, Bumble. I've created content for a lot of the major dating apps and also been behind the scenes looking at the statistics, looking at the data, looking at the way that people connect and communicate today. So that's what I'm excited to talk about at In Bloom.

To talk about this changing mode of communication, a lot of people are like, dating is so much harder today. And really, it's not that dating is harder, it's that we have fundamentally changed. We've changed the way that we talk, the modes of communication that we use. We've changed, the speed of dating has changed, and the way we connect has really shifted over the last 20-some years that dating apps have then become the primary way that people meet.

I'm really passionate about helping people navigate these new technological tools, both in dating and in relationships and bringing that to the In Bloom audience in April.

Robin| How exciting, thank you. Dr. Ramani

Dr. Ramani | Hi everyone, thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited to be speaking about love for a change, which is sort of a bit of a switch for me. I kind of talk about the aftermath, but my name is Dr. Ramani Durvasula I'm a clinical psychologist. I'm a retired academic, a psychology professor for over 22 years, and my work focuses on narcissism and very specifically how narcissism affects people's relationships. But here I'm going to be taking an interesting pivot because, you know, it's not that narcissistic

relationships have happened to everyone. But the fact of the matter is we do have schemas about relationships. And the more that there has been trauma, the more there has been invalidation, and the more there's been sort of a lack of psychological safety at any phase in a person's life, it is going to have informed a very, very sort of different and difficult set of assumptions we have that what love is, and in fact, what love can do. Many times people look to relationships as a place that can sort of be an eraser.

for past wounds and that is not how love works. I mean it can certainly be a safe place to land, but the work is still the work. And then there's also issues around what are our trauma responses? How do we respond to certain things in relationships when we feel cornered, when we don't feel heard? So helping people understand how this entire internal part of them that often struggles to stay safe, to be heard, but the human, the absolute human want need to be loved. A lot of what I'm going to be talking about and almost holding some space for the fact that there are tough backstories and having a tough backstory doesn't mean you're not lovable and that you can't love and so we'll also be you know unpacking a lot of that and I mean I hate to say it but I love you maybe the three most dangerous words in the English language. We'll talk a little bit about why that is and and the kind and sort of again sort of the the dark corners we can get caught into if we don't do some of the work on

ourselves first before we get into adult relationships and we're going to start really basic even like does anyone in this room know what a healthy relationship is and what did you think your relationship would look like when you were a child and like when you've one day got married and start with some of that and we're going to start to see the  corrections and overcorrections many people say I just wanted the opposite of what my parents had whenever we try to seek the opposite of something we usually end up in some very similar version of it so those are the things I'll be talking about.

Robin | My goodness, that's exciting. I can already see that, you know, how this is going to be so transformational for people that are that are able to glean these all this wisdom. Silvy and Brian, thank you for being here.

Silvy | So excited to be here and hearing all of you guys share what you're going to be talking about. I'm just so excited. And I'm a relationship coach, master's in psychology, marriage and family therapy. I've been coaching people for the last 15 years, really focusing on helping people to create secure functioning dynamics from like a structural perspective, helping them move towards collaboration, teamwork. And also a lot of the work, know, me and my husband do together, we've been together for, it's going to be about 10 years. By the time we're at In Bloom

it's going to be close to the 10-year milestone. And I was born in the Middle East, Saudi Arabia, have an Armenian background. So I work a lot with clients on the culture aspect, especially helping them to navigate bicultural experiences, intersectionalities of their experiences, and really bringing in a lot of those nuances, transitions, grief, and just the pieces that are in the corners of relational things that can sometimes get neglected. I really like to put

Big fat highlight on those things and help them navigate those spaces. So cannot wait to jam with him and to meet all of you and just to talk about relationships. So excited.

Robin |Thank you. Bryan?

Bryan | Yeah, so my name is Bryan Reeves and I'm a former US Air Force captain. Very educated, grew up surrounded by women, three sisters, two moms and even when I was in the military, I got a master's degree in human relations and somehow my relationships, my intimate relationships with women

were disastrous over and over and over again in my 20s and most of my 30s. so I separated from the Air Force at 26 and couldn't feel my body. I was just so disconnected from everything below my neck.

You know, it really sent me into a lifelong journey or decades long journey to understand what happens to men in our culture and why. know, Terry Real said something about the original wound in men is disconnection, right? We are disconnected from ourselves and therefore, mean, how the heck am I going to connect with my female partner if I can't even feel myself? And so, you know,

Dr. Shamyra |Yeah.

Robin | Mmm.

Bryan | I'm 50, just turned 50 and the last, I got out of the military half a lifetime ago, 20, 24 years ago, I've just been dedicated to, well, first I started unpacking relationships. Again, what was I missing that someone should have taught me a long time ago? That's my book that y'all see on the back there, Choose Her Every Day or Leave Her, which I wrote right before I met Sylvie, actually.

So, you my work started in helping people understand relationships. I think back in 2012, 13, early blogging days, I was one of the first men to start publicly talking about where I was.

how I was making mistakes in relationships, waking up to, my God, that was my part in this. Like I had no clue, no concept of my part in things. so, you know, that really began to set a path for me. And I started also like coaching men, women, couples. But for the last five years, I've really been focusing on men, working a lot with men, because I think men are...

There's this stereotype that men are not sensitive and the truth is the opposite. Men are so freaking sensitive. We just have it layered up and over with so much armor and so much programming. know, coming up as a boy and then a man, I was in a fraternity, I was in the military. I did not like men. I didn't like men. I didn't respect men. I didn't trust men. And it was a revelation.

for me to understand to see that that I didn't I didn't like men and I'm a man. So you know, anyway, I could obviously say I want to be mindful to land the plane take a breath. But that's what I'm going to be talking about in my workshop. Sylvie and I are going to be talking about embracing differences in our talk and embracing differences for for deeper connection rather than the war that I think a lot of couples step into. So I'll leave it there.

Robin | Thank you so much. Dr. Shamyra Howard.

Dr. Shamyra | Hey y'all, hey. So you know

how people say stuff like, we feel like roommates or they'll say.

I don't orgasm when I, yes, I don't orgasm when I have never had an orgasm. Those are many of the people that I see as a licensed clinical social worker who has a certification in sex therapy in my practice. I've been doing this work for over 15 years now and I've been doing the sex therapy space for 10, about 10 years now. And so I see a lot of people who are individuals who are couples and they're at different spaces in their relationships.

we're talking about love, we're talking about sex, and we're talking about intimacy. A lot of people see that as one thing. And one of the things that I do is I like to tell people that I am a sex and relationship, I'm not a sex and relationship expert. I'm a sex and relationship architect because what I'm gonna help you do is I'm gonna help you break down all of that that you have that you thought was love, sex, intimacy, and relationships so that you can create what you actually want. What you're in here asking me about right now, those things that you're worried about, why are you

feeling like a roommate, right? people will say, I write a lot of stuff in media spaces for sex and relationships, and so in digital, in print publications, and in TV media. And one of the questions people ask me a lot of times, even when they're looking for therapy help, they'll say, how do we get that spark back? How do we get that spark back? And I'm like, that's a good question. When you remember the spark, what was it like? And they're like, I don't know.

So I'm going to ask all of you, you don't have to answer it right now, but if you think about your sex life right now, based on the last thing you ate or drink or drank.

How would you describe your sex life based on the last thing? I'll just tell you the last thing I drank was water So you can go ahead and use your imagination right now and so one of the things that people forget about in sex is fun and I've been helping people to use their mouth So I'm a whole use your mouth person and if you know me, it's use your mouth use your mouth and they're like, yeah You're a sexologist your sex therapist use your mouth and I'm like, yes that way but also Not that way because when I created the use your mouth first It was to use your mouth sex and relationships conversation starter cards that was created because I was seeing a lot of people couples who had been together for years dozens of years couple centuries and They had sex but they didn't talk about sex and so when it came to me asking me how to reignite the spark I'm like, what are your conversations like about sex and they're like I'm like What are they?

like what are y'all talking about? And you're like, we're not. And so one of the reasons that they weren't is because of the embarrassment, the societal pressure. They don't know what to say about it.

There are lot of self-imposed expectations that we put upon ourselves when it comes to sex, love, and relationships that prevent us from having the types of sex we want. And then there's life that happens. Like right now, I'm working on a lot of stuff in the menopause transitional spaces, teaching people about how perimenopause, menopause, and postmenopause affect our sexuality and helping them figure out how to talk about that. And so in my workshops, what I'm going to do is I'm going to first, of course, when I asked

you about your food and drink that was more about the fun part right but there are some other F's that people in relationships have to think about if they want to ignite or reignite the spark and I'm gonna help you find those F's and yes we're gonna be using our mouth you're gonna use your mouth I'm gonna teach you how to use your mouth and figure out what F you need or what F you have in your sexual relationship

Robin | That's exciting. I just love this because it's, you know, this, there is a lot of fun that we can have when we're learning about relationships and love and, you know, we have to bring the levity into it too. I mean, really, we do. So I thought if you're okay with this, we'll go around and that we had some community questions come in for our panel of speakers for the summit. So I thought we would go through and I'm going to ask these questions and we can all just answer, please. So the first question is,

What is one relationship myth you wish would just disappear forever? Demona? The name of your book is behind here, right?

Damona | I was like, yeah, please ask me Robin.

I wrote a book called F the fairy tale rewrite the dating myths and live your own love story. So I'll start with there's there are four myths that I identified in the book. But I think the biggest myth is that gosh, we are all so tied to these fairy tales and romcoms and ideas of how it's supposed to go and how it's supposed to feel. And

especially since I'm the one on this panel really kind of focusing on the beginning part of relationships, I got to talk about the chemistry myth. This idea, and Shamyra you were just talking about that spark, right? Like, how do I get that spark back? I think a lot of people are misled by what the spark is supposed to feel like in the first place. And I'm a big believer in slow love and in really building

I loved the love architect analogy, like really building your relationship from the foundation up and starting instead with, not with how it's supposed to look or what chemistry you're supposed to feel, but really beginning with the actual pillars of long-term compatibility. Because when you get your needs met in a relationship,

Dr. Shamyra | That's it.

Damona | Boy, is that sexy. That's so much sexier. And that's when you actually feel that deeper level of connection that I'm really interested in for my clients and my listeners and everyone attending the In Bloom conference. It's it's not on the surface level. It's not the initial chemical reaction because chemistry is a liar, but it's really about fostering deeper connection to sustain a relationship long term.

Robin | Hmm.

Dr. Sara | That love comes and then the rest will follow. That's the biggest myth. And I'm not against mythology because mythology is how we make sense of the world, but myths like disbeliefs that we have. And I think it's very important we all talk about what's wrong with the model of loves that we have. But hopefully I can also bring that research that show people what we found through two decades of research as what are those ingredients. You know, so the way that I see it, I'm introducing the Emergent Love model, the new model of love. The six ingredients need to be there with specific qualities at all times for love to even have a chance to emerge. Like a log and a spark coming together make that fire, one plus one equals three, rather than one plus one equals one.

So that piece of it, and I'm going to hopefully introduce to people those six ingredients, the new definitions for all of those respect and trust and whatnot, because there's a lot of abstract talk in the world. We need to specify. So if people are talking about trust in dating or in long term relationships, what does that mean? And even beyond that, work situations, because as some of you know, I work with the United Nations. you know, relationships, the way you do one relationship is the way you do all relationships.

Robin |  Mm.

Dr. Sara |  So hopefully when we talk about this in bloom love, we are going to take the lessons and actually take it to other aspects of our relationships as well. So the six ingredients will be there to guide me.

Robin |  Thank you. had a conversation with Dr. John and Dr. Julie Gottman this week about their, because they're going to be joining us at the summit as well. And that was something that we actually talked about, right? Is the fact that if we can learn, we can learn skills to be better in relationships. We absolutely all can. It starts in our homes and it does echo out into the world that we live in.

Right? they said, they both said, you just echoed the same thing, Dr. Sara, how the world, you know, there's so much division, there's divisiveness in this world. And if when we could focus on building our own relational skills and our relational literacy and having healthier relationships at home, that's our micro in the big macro of the world that we live in. We can make the world a better place. This is, know that's true.

Dr. Sara | Yeah, that's why I say we can create world peace one relationship at a time. I truly believe in that. The way that we connect with each other, just one drop to the other, one drop to the other, and then before you know it, the ripple effect will make the world more peaceful.

Bryan | to offer, as a man, I so get that, Dr. Sara, that I think the work to... One of the myths, I think especially that men, I just speak for, because I've been working really intimately with men for the last five years especially, the myth that it should just be easy and there shouldn't be conflict. We should mostly just agree on everything. That myth is so destructive.

especially I think I interviewed Dr. Warren Farrell who you know got his start as a feminist in the world and he's he's walked an interesting path. He wrote a book called The Boy Crisis many years ago and he said something really fascinating in our conversation that the one of the one of the the he said the number one contributor to the boy crisis is the parents inability to communicate at home.

It's interesting. I don't know research or stats or this, but holding up the parents inability to communicate. I mean, I think about my parents when they got divorced. It was nasty. I was four years old. They never ever, it was just nasty for the rest of my life. And so that really landed for me. And I think if like that myth could go away, that it should just be easy and we should mostly agree on everything. Oh man.

that would be a game changing, especially, you know, I think for men, certainly others as well, but yeah.

Robin |  Silvy?

Silvy | Yeah, I mean, think the relationships, the expectation for relationships to be easy and I think, you know, the place that I really like to support people is that bridge from that honeymoon phase to the intentional phase of relationship. And that is where we really have to focus on the skill building. And I think when we don't have those skills, when we don't know them or we didn't learn them, it's kind of the place where a lot of people opt out or they just don't know how to be in relationships. You know, to piggyback off that relationships should be easy, that they don't require work. I think when you when you know the skills, it can feel there's a there is a feeling of effort, you know, effortlessness that can start to take place and take root, especially if you grew up in a family system where, let's say you saw a lot of these things modeled and they can be easier for some. But for those of us that didn't, you know. There is a learning curve that I think is really important to embrace. And I think what I've seen in the social media space is when I have consultations with clients nowadays, they want this quick fix. And I really try to remind them, this is going to take time. This is not like five sessions and you're healed, you're ready to go. And really to remind people that real relationships take investment and longevity and really normalizing that. I think people just want that fast, quick fix thing and it's, there's a lot of unrealistic expectations that I think need to be shifted.

Robin | I really like that.

Bryan | Yeah, I'll often tell couples to piggyback off what Silvy said, I'll often, when I'm working with couples or even men, I'll use this number. I'll throw this out. I'll say, expect it to take 10 years to get really good at being with each other. 10 years, not because it's going to take 10 years, but because it's going to take time. And if you can hear that number 10 years and go, so you're saying there's a chance, then that's a good sign. But if you hear 10 years, I got to spend 10 years with this bozo to that. Well, that's also something to maybe pay attention to.

Robin | Hmm.

Bryan | Right. But it took, it took me seven years to trust, not in Sylvie, but to trust in the relationship, right. To work through so much of what I had to work through that was in the way. And that was, and we were, that was us trying to do relationship well, like doing the work. So I think that that's, that's a myth that needs to go away.

Robin | Dr. Ramani, what would you see as a myth that needs to go away around relationships?

Dr. Ramani | Quite a few that come up for me, but if I had to choose one, I'd say...

the myth that it always takes two to tango. Sometimes someone in a relationship is behaving harmfully. And we can, and I think we are so much, we can communicate our way out of everything. There's always the two sides to the story. No, sometimes there's actually not. And many people will disproportionately take on the responsibility in a relationship when they're with a partner who is actually willing to overwhelm and dominate and control and plays into those other sort of side myths like the soulmate myth and all of that.

people fighting desperately to make a relationship work and thinking everything is their fault. My book is called It's Not You for a Reason and that sometimes relationships are asymmetric and imbalanced and this idea that a lot of couples therapists still promulgate the myth that it takes two, it takes two, there's two of you in this. Yeah, but there's not two equally powered people in here and not both of you are playing the same ground game. And so I think the best way to learn how to get into a healthy relationship is to learn how toxic relationships work.

And so, and part of that is then helping people that, nah, sometimes it doesn't take two to tango. It's just one person just pulling you off the dance floor and whatever damn dance they want to do.

Robin | My gosh, I just thank you for saying that. I know what that's like. I've got personal experience in that. And it took four counselors, four therapists, very trained therapists. the fourth one finally hit it out of the park

But you you can have the skills, you can be a great communicator, but sometimes

you are not in a healthy relationship. Thank you so much for bringing that point up, because that's so valid, so good. Dr. Shamyra?

Dr. Ramani | Exactly.

Dr. Shamyra | Yeah.

So one of the bigger myths that I see people and it comes up and I see these relationship myths where people are like especially depending on like if they come from a religious background or whatever it's like once you become in a relationship that you are now considered one and so you have to do this linear thinking and that you're one and so I like to tell people that once you become in a relationship, considering that you are in a relationship with one other person, then you're not just one, you're actually three. You're two individuals and the relationship. And you have to nurture all three of those individually and collectively. And that's where the work comes in at. And that's where people realize that, this is going to be work because no, you're not one, you have two brains. And then you have to remember that you're an individual, your partner's an individual, and your relationship is an individual as well. And so that myth of once you be your one now you're just one. And yeah, you're going to share goals, you need to make sure that you have similar goals, you share same core values, but you also need to make sure that you are nurturing your individuality so that you can connect with your partner and that you can create mutual goals and mutually beneficial goals. And so that you can create like I say architect, I'm an architect, so that you can create your own relationship.

And a lot of people they love to hashtag relationship goals and I'm like hashtag be your own relationship goals So if you look at your relationship as separate entities where you all are working on yourselves individually and Collectively then you will no doubt be your own relationship goals You'll have time to aspire to someone else's because you are creating your own based on those shared ideas and ideals and perspectives and goals and the mutual respect that you share and the fun you want to have and all of the visions that you have for your relationship that's what you're working on so that myth of once you become in a relationship you are now one throw that one all the way away

Robin |  Absolutely. Oh my goodness. we are going to have a lot more opportunity to speak in person at the summit in April. I'm just so thrilled and just so excited and very honored to be working with each of you. And I can't wait to see you in person and give you lots of hugs.

So we only have, we have less than 30 tickets left for in-person. So the full weekend sold out and we have virtual tickets. Anybody can join us from around the world with your computer, but if you are listening, there's still 30 tickets, but they're gonna go within the week. I know it. So I thank you, each of you so much for all the work you're doing in the world. And I can't wait to see you in April, April 4th, 5th, 6th. Those that are listening, you can have 15 % discount by going on the website www.inbloomsummit.com Robin Ducharme and putting the code, LETSTALKLOVE. And I hope to see you in Vancouver. And if not, we'll see you online. Thank you all. Thank you so, much.

Dr. Shamyra | Amazing.

Silvy | Yay! can't wait to meet you all!

Dr. Shamyra  |Thank you. Can't wait to see y'all in person. 

Silvy | Seriously. Hugs soon! 

Bryan | Bye everybody!

Damona | Yay. See you there.

Robin | We'll see you in Vancouver. Okay.