Tamsen Fadal - How to Menopause

This week on Let’s Talk Love, Robin is joined by award-winning journalist and menopause advocate Tamsen Fadal. Tamsen opens up about her journey from a successful career in journalism to becoming a champion for women’s health, with a focus on navigating menopause. Tamsen shares her personal experiences with menopause, highlighting the importance of understanding its stages and the need for greater education and support for women during this transition. She points to the importance of finding healthcare professionals who truly understand menopause.  Tamsen shares what has worked for her, including making key lifestyle adjustments and embracing aging with grace.  She also reflects on her time as a matchmaker and how our relationships naturally evolve over time.  We look forward to reading her newest book, How to Menopause,  releasing this March 2025. 

Takeaways:

• Over a billion women will experience menopause by 2025.
• Perimenopause can last several years and includes various symptoms.
• There are effective solutions for managing menopause symptoms, including hormone replacement therapy.
• Finding a knowledgeable doctor is crucial for menopause management.
• Listening to your body and self-care are essential during this transition.
• Aging can be embraced as a blessing, not feared.
• Tamsen's matchmaking experience taught her about relationships and self-discovery.

We want to hear from you! Send us your anonymous questions for the Podcast as well as our weekly IG Live Ask The Experts Q&A. https://realloveready.com/submitaquestion

Links:

https://www.tamsenfadal.com/howtomenopause

https://www.pbs.org/show/the-m-factor-shredding-the-silence-on-menopause/

FOLLOW TAMSEN: INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK | TIKTOK

FOLLOW RLR: INSTAGRAM | FACEBOOK | TIKTOK

Watch the podcast on YouTube: youtube.com/realloveready

Credits: the Let’s Talk Love Podcast is hosted by Robin Ducharme, recorded and edited by Maia Anstey, and transcribed by Otter.ai.

Transcript

Robin Ducharme | Hello and welcome to Let's Talk Love today, I am joined by our guest who I've so excited to meet, Tamsen Fadal, thank you for joining us. Tamsen

Tamsen Fadal l Gosh, thanks for having me. Nice to see you.

Robin Ducharme | I love preparing for these interviews, because you learn so much. I mean, this is why I'm doing what I do, because I get to learn so much about our guests, as well as just well learn from you. You have had such a varied career. You started out as a journalist, an award winning journalist for 30 years, and now you are like you've changed your direction, and now you're working to help women manage with menopause, learn about menopause and be an advocate and educator and just so tell us about tell us about your journey. Tamsen what I do want to talk about today, because this is, let's talk love is your also, you did have a journey. You did have a career as a matchmaker. 

Tamsen Fadal  Yeah

Robin Ducharme | That's fascinating. I like, really, that was like, Oh my gosh, we have to talk about that too.

Tamsen Fadal l Oh, absolutely. Yeah. It's been incredible. You know, there are over a billion women who are going to be a menopause by the year 2025 so we have a lot of work to do the you know, this transition came about from an experience that I had at work in the workplace. I landed in on the bathroom floor during a live broadcast and didn't know what was going on, didn't know the word perimenopause, didn't even think about menopause, and wound up, after going to a series of doctors, finding out that I was in menopause with a note in my patient portal, four words in menopause, any questions? And that set me down the road of asking a lot of questions, and those questions came from like, how did this happen? Am I too young for this? Which I found out I wasn't to what are all these symptoms and what was happening before this? And fast forward a few years now, we have been working on a documentary for the past three years, myself and three fellow producers and filmmakers, and it's called the M Factor, Shredding the Silence on Me-nopause, I left my job about a year ago now to really focus full time on that and talk about helping train workplaces to help women better manage these symptoms. There are so many women that are going through this right now in the US and around the world, and there's no shortage of questions that all of us have about how to better prepare ourselves.

Robin l So Tamsen, can you talk about your your experience? You said you you were in the middle of a podcast, and you share the story that you you thought, you think you were, you were having a panic attack. 

Tamsen l Yeah

Robin l Right. 

Tamsen l Well, I didn't know what I was having. 

Robin l No

Tamsen l Yeah, I was like Inferno from the inside. I was sweating everywhere, heart was racing, and I felt like I was going to be sick or fall over. I just didn't have control of myself, and I knew that. And so I said out loud, if I fall over, somebody catch me and our sports anchor said, oh, you know what, I think you better get off the set and follow me. And I walked to the women's bathroom, and I promptly went down to the floor. And I think that at the time, I was like, did I eat something? Did I am I having anxiety? Am I? But you know, I've been in that business for 30 years, so I was never nervous, and I just I didn't know what was happening. I didn't know that menopause causes hormonal chaos. I didn't know that all these symptoms leading up to this, not sleeping, waking up in the middle of the night, weight gain and in weird places, moody, irritability, anxiety, all those things are part of this hormonal journey and transition. And once, I realized that I couldn't stop asking questions about it and more, I realized that there weren't a lot of answers, I went in search of those answers through the documentary and then a book that I wrote called How to Menopause, and just kind of a manual and a guide to help women through this time. 

Robin l Well I'm 47 and I, I don't, I don't know for certain, but I'm talking to my girlfriends. I've got, you know, a lot of my best friends are, we're in the same we're all 47 some. And it's funny because I'm talking to my best friend, Kirsten, just yesterday, and she's like, well, I've been in menopause for two years. I did not know that. So what is the definition of menopause for example, it's with, can we go through that first? Like, just like the one on ones? I think this is really important, right? Because there's a lot of listeners that are maybe not experiencing it yet, or are in it or or like the perimenopause compared to menopause? 

Tamsen l Yeah

Robin l Just definition 

Tamsen l Definition of menopause like long and short, is one day in your life. It is this natural transition in a woman's life where it marks the end of her menstrual cycles. What you know, woman hasn't had a period for 12 months. They're in menopause now. All the years that lead up to that are perimenopause, and that's that transition we're talking about with all these different symptoms. You know, a woman's body has lots of different amounts of estrogen and progesterone, and those are hormones produced by the ovaries. And that can begin in your early 40s, and it can last for years. And you know, it's not just hot flashes that we're talking about when we talk about these kind of symptoms, we're talking about pain during sex, vaginal dryness, insomnia, mood, anxiety, dry skin, difficulty, concentrating, a lack of energy, exhaustion. So there's a lot of things that go along with it, and I think that's what makes it so confusing, because we look at those and you know, for me, anyway, I was operating in silos with each one. Oh, I can't sleep. Maybe I'm drinking too much caffeine, too late. Oh, I'm feeling anxious. Maybe it's, you know, leftover anxiety for my divorce. Oh, my periods are weird. It's stress. So every one of those, I always had some kind of answer for, and little did I know that the, you know, the answer was the the one thing that it says, you know, it's been the best kept secret, quite frankly, out there, is that this happens during some very important years in a woman's life and some very stressful years in a woman's life. So around 40 years old, is where you know we should start asking women and talking to women about this change, because that is when that change is going to start happening. And you start looking at perimenopause during those years, seven to 10 years before you hit menopause.

Robin l Seven to 10 years. And so when you had your, your hot flash, anxiety, panic attack, which you realized that was what that was part of menopause. Were you in the pre were you in the perimenopause stage with, with, like you said, it was like you're having, you're experiencing all these

Tamsen l At that point, I didn't know it. I was in menopause when I was all leading up to that, when I had irregular periods, when I wasn't sleeping, when I was gaining weight, that was all perimenopause. I just had no idea. I just had no idea. 

Robin l So something that I learned during the doc, when I watched the documentary, is that a woman is never out of menopause, like once you're in menopause, you're, you were in menopause for the rest of your life. That was like, wow, that was a learning for me. 

Tamsen l Yeah, I know, yeah, you're in it forever. I mean, that's, it's postmenopausal. Well, that doesn't mean you're in those same symptoms forever, you know? I mean that, you know, those kind of I'm post menopausal. I have been now. And so it's, you know, do I get hot flashes from time to time? Sure. Do I Do I wake up at night, but overall, you know, I'm on hormone therapy, and that has really helped immensely, and those symptoms start to kind of stabilize, and so I feel like I'm in that stabilization place some days, and that feels pretty good. So that's nice to know. And I do feel on the other side of it, a lot of difference. I feel I feel better, I feel more confident, I feel very free in a lot of different ways. And so I don't, I never want it to be something that women are dreading. I just want them to be aware of it and understand, you know, what comes with it, so they're not suffering. And that's the worst thing that can happen, is that we have women out there suffering, and there's, there's not a need to do that, because there are solutions out there, and we do need more,

Robin l Right. So can you share with us those solutions? Because the one this part of the documentary, because I was talking to you, okay, I've got, like, you know, my nursing friends and just people in general, I'm just talking about menopause now, with every this is, I'm so glad that there's more awareness and that we're actually talking about this as women, and there is miseducation, and we're misinformed around, what can we do to treat menopause like HRT therapy? I believe there's a lot of misunderstanding, and this overall fear about around using hormone replacement therapy, because of, you know, studies that are showing you can get breast cancer from from using HRT right, which is a legitimate fear.

Tamsen l 2002 study that 

Robin l Right 

Tamsen l Really did a disservice to women and doctors and the the whole healthcare system, quite frankly. But I think what is right now, the most important thing to know is that there are solutions, hormone replacement therapy, or hormone therapy, is one of those. It's not for everybody, and not everybody can take it. There are some people that just cannot, depending on what is, you know, what goes on, what's going on in their life and in their health. And, you know, I'm not a doctor, so I have to, you know, say that up front that this, that's not my area of expertise. Mine is to try to educate about, you know, what's out there, that there are solutions out there, and that you've got to find a doctor that knows what's going on. And I think that that's, that's really where my message begins, and where I want my voice to be the loudest. And, you know, in terms of other solutions, there are a lot of lifestyle solutions out there that we were you probably hear talking more about, which is, we talk about nutrition, we talk about exercising a little bit differently. We talk about how to deal with sleep. We talk about stress management. We're talking about different things for sex and so we're talking about different ways that women can go through whatever these symptoms are, because everybody goes through menopause in a different way. Some people might have hot flashes. Some people might never have one. Some people might have vaginal dryness. Other people sail through that part of it. But all of us will experience that transition if we're lucky to live long enough. And so I just want women to be prepared for that, and if they feel like they walk into a doctor's office and they feel like they're not being listened to, or they feel like they're being ignored, or they feel like they're being gaslit, then they've got to find somebody that will listen to them. And I think that's the most important message that we can give, because there's a lot of misinformation out there. There's a lot of people that want to jump in and sell you something that's probably not, you know, the one, one all solution to it. If someone tells you they have a magic menopause pill, and I'm pretty sure you don't have to worry about that. But you know, it's important that women know what they're dealing with, because I think when you know that, you have even more confidence.

Robin l I really, I really like that advice. Tamsen, so how did you this is, this is what Kirsten was saying to me yesterday. Because, I mean, first of all, I didn't know she was the two years she'd been going suffering through these symptoms, like, we didn't talk about it, right? So that's one piece. And the second was, she said she did go to the doctor, because she's like, I, I want to she was advocating for herself to to get a prescription for HRT, and she went to a private doctor who said, absolutely, like, this is the and gave her some education on these are the different things that you could try and then, but suggested she go to her, you know, her public doctor, so that it could be prescribed and covered by healthcare.

Tamsen l Right 

Robin l And it was the public doctor that said, are you sure you really want to do that? Like, How bad are your symptoms really? I don't think this is the right route for you. And if you think you can handle it, I would suggest, you know, doing it naturally. And it's like, she's like, No, I don't want that. 

Tamsen l Good for her 

Robin l So she really had, this is what you're saying. We want to find a doctor that will support us and that knows about menopause. 

Tamsen l Yeah

Robin l How, how was that in your experience? Like, did you did you have to go to, like, the first doctor didn't work, and then the second, okay

Tamsen l Yeah you know, I went through my, my share of them, and I think, you know, the first one that gave me that notice, my patient portal and menopause, any questions? That was clearly not somebody that was looking to help me find some solutions. And that was really uncomfortable, you know, it was uncomfortable. Think like, now, what now? What do I do? But, um, you know, some of the other doctors, one did prescribe HRT, but it didn't understand enough about it. So I was confused. You know, another one said to go through it naturally, because I didn't want to do that. And another one came back to HRT. So, so I feel like I ran the gamut of a lot of those answers. And you know, when I when I finally found a doctor that I trusted and felt good with it. Just made all the difference in the world, honestly.

Robin l Yeah, well, I'm very excited to read your book. It's coming out. When is it come, what's the day is it coming it's coming out Tamsen?

Tamsen l March 25th 

Robin l Well, I'm excited to have, I hope have you back on and to talk about your book then. 

Tamsen l Thank you I would love that, I would love that 

Robin l So in the meantime, like for me, okay, I'm 47 years old. I think I'm experiencing some perimenopause stuff, for sure. I know I am, like, waking up my but my bed's soaked. It's like I'm having major like, night sweats, those sorts of things. And I and I feel like I need to exercise differently, because my body is changing, like I used to be doing boot camps, like five days a week. And I'm like, my body's saying, Robin, 

Tamsen l Why are you doing it? 

Robin l Right? So what do you suggest, like women do during the perimenopause stage?

Tamsen l Yeah, you know, I mean, my I'm the same way my my workouts definitely changed. There's no question about it, what I could handle, but also what I wanted to do, and what was helping my body. 

Robin l Right

Tamsen l And you know, for me, I do strength training three days a week. I walk a lot. I walk with weights. I enjoy that time for two things, because I feel like it's multi purpose for my body and also just for my mindset. And I think with regard to diet, you know, I've really changed my nutrition habits. You know, I look at it very differently. I came from the era of, like, you know, work out really hard, eat very little, and you'll be great. And that's not what I do anymore. You know, everything I put in my body, I know what it does to me, what it's not going to do to me, how it's going to make me feel, and I feel better about that. I have my cheat days. I love pizza, you know, I love my champagne. I'm not perfect, but, you know, I try my best to know exactly what things do to me, to feel as good as I can. So those, those are the two areas I think that have changed quite a bit for me. And then with regard to sleep, you know, I don't take it for granted anymore. And so I'm very appreciative of a good night's sleep, and I'm very cognizant that I have to work toward it, you know, I don't, I don't just pop into bed and hope I can fall asleep, you know, it's really, I have a setup. I have a wind down, a setup and and I take it seriously now.

Robin l I just I  really think this is awesome, because really what it is is so much more listening to this what you advocate right is like listening to your body, listening to yourself, what do you need, and honoring and giving yourself a lot of self love and care.

Tamsen l Yes, right? 100 Percent, I think you have to do that. It look if you're not 

Robin l Yeah

Tamsen l Going to take the time to do that for yourself, no one's going to do it for you. And I think it's really, really important to do that. Take care of yourself, pay attention to what's going on, listening to your body, listening to your symptoms, you know, listening to how you want to feel. I think that's really, really important. And I think that you know, as women. We've always kind of put ourselves last in that, in that equation, and it's time to stop doing that, especially during this transition.

Robin l Right and the other piece to this, which you talk about in the documentary, all these women, first of all, we're going through these like, you know, we go through so much like, as as a woman, right, in our bodies, and it's, it's like honoring the aging process. Because our, I don't know if our culture will it change, is it, you know? Because I think women are just, there's so much pressure to be this size 

Tamsen l Yeah 

Robin l And to age backwards, not forwards. 

Tamsen l Yeah

Robin l And we really, it's just, it's almost like we need to shut that off, like that's enough. Aging is a blessing, and could we talk about that for Tamsen just, how, how are you helping women to really start looking at that differently and being like, like, just screw off, like I am not like I am not here to age backwards. I actually am grateful that I'm aging every day that I'm alive is a blessing, and I want to be beautiful in all these things. But it's not about preventing aging.

Tamsen l Yeah, yeah. It's not about preventing aging at all. You know, I really think it's about understanding where you are feeling good about it. I don't think that I've seen more women feeling bolder and sexier and stronger than than I have recently, and 

Robin l Yeah

Tamsen l I think that's exciting. I I'm very aware that women of a certain age feel oftentimes invisible and not so relevant, but I think that there is a lot to say for the fact that we are changing that narrative bit by bit, and I think that that's really exciting.

Robin l Yeah, so I wanted to talk about your history before maybe let me know, when were you working as a matchmaker Tamsen, so you started you were, was this before you were a journalist? 

Tamsen l No, no no, it was at the same time. I was 

Robin l At the same time. 

Tamsen l Yeah, my former husband and I had a business doing that in New York when we first moved to New York, and so we had a matchmaking business, and we're doing dating coaching back then. And it was a different time. 

Robin l Yeah 

Tamsen l It wasn't a time of a lot of different apps, and there was no swiping, you know, any direction. And so it was really a fun time. You know, when we came we moved to New York, we had learned a statistic of there was 100,000 more single women than men in the city. We you know, we looked at that. We threw some different parties. We put a a little black book together to, you know, talk about to help people try to find, you know, find partners. And so that was a fun time. It was fun time to learn. You know what dating was going on in the city. You know how people were interacting, helping people meet each other. So, you know, we had a good A lifetime ago, but a good time.

Robin l Yeah and what would you, I mean, you were giving dating coaching, and you're now married like remarried to like you married later in life again. So how would you coach differently than you did back then, right when it comes to dating?

Tamsen l Yeah, you know, I think that, well, I think that everything has changed since back then, quite frankly. And I think that, you know, we've we've learned who we are even better than before. I think we see things more than we ever have before. We have more access to to other people. So I think that I take all those into consideration. I do think that, you know, for me, anyway, if I was doing it today. I look at all the different ways to meet people, and I still think that you have to be open to all of those ways, whether or not you want to do something with regard to dating online or with apps, that's one thing in person. I think in knowing who people are, and telling people you're single and telling people you're interested in meeting somebody is important. I think not making a date, all or none is super important. I've always thought that. I think that you know, when you go out there because you want to meet somebody versus meet people, it makes puts a lot of pressure on you, and I think that I don't advise that. I think that you go out there like sometimes you're gonna it's gonna work. Sometimes it's not gonna work. Sometimes a person might be in your life for for different reasons. But I think that's important to keep in mind, because we have a lot more access than we ever have more access than we ever have before to to each other quickly. 

Robin l Yeah, yup.So something that you share is your your, you were in a relationship with somebody that had narcissistic behaviors, and back then, we didn't even, like, wait, this word narcissist is new, right? It's been around for 

Tamsen l Yeah

Robin l Just a few years, I would say, and now maybe we understand more. There's a lot more discussion around it, a lot more education around it. I mean, I'm hosting a summit in April with Dr Ramani, and that's her specialty, 

Tamsen l Yeah 

Robin l Is helping people identify behaviors so that we're not getting caught in these relationships, and if we are, how do we get out and how do we heal or deal so Tamsen, tell tell me how and what I just because I found myself in that situation like and you know, this is this keeps happening. I'm talking to women that are smart, educated, successful, beautiful, outstanding people that are ending up in these very bad, unhealthy relationship dynamics. And it's like, how, why? How is this happening? 

Tamsen l Yeah

Robin l And so what is your understanding from your experience around this, like, what I would just be interested. I'm curious to learn your perspective on this,

Tamsen l Sure of why people end up in bad relationships. I did. I have several, you know, I just, I think sometimes we're, you know, we bring, we all, we all bring a lot into a relationship like that. And I think that that's important to remember. I mean, I bring, I brought all my past into my relationships. There was a lot of stuff in my past that really informed where I, you know, how I dated and who I met, and how I felt about myself and how much I respected myself or didn't respect myself. So I think, I think that's how some of that happens. I also think some people are very wise and know how to manipulate people. And unfortunately, when you've got somebody that is not like that, and somebody that is you have a really bad and toxic relationship as a result. And you know when that happens, it's not often very easy to get out of those things. And hopefully you've got some people around you that can see what's going on and can help you, or you're talking to a therapist, you're talking to somebody that could help you through that, because it's a I mean, I know from experience, it's not easy, and once you get caught into that cycle, it can be very difficult to get out of.

Robin l Right.So you're you're happily married, now remarried, and as I see your post and you're sharing your relationship, you know, from from a glimpse, we can all see a little bit it looks like just a very beautiful, happy relationship. So what before, like, while you were dating, before you met your husband like, what was it inside yourself or your intentions, or what you're putting out there to be like, okay, this is how me to do things differently. Like, did you have like, like, you know, a clear mindset about how you wanted to enter a new relationship?

Tamsen l Yeah, I don't. I really wasn't trying to enter a new relationship. Honestly, I was single, and I was okay being single. I wasn't looking for one. It's always something my husband I laugh about, because neither one of us were, we were we were just kind of like doing our thing. And I wasn't a place where I wanted to get remarried, for sure, but I met somebody that, you know, is really amazing, and really somebody that I wanted to, you know, walk the world with. And that was really nice surprise, a very nice surprise.

Robin l Oh my gosh. I just love how you said that. Just walk the world with 

Tamsen l Thank you. 

Robin l That's That's wonderful. So can you tell tell us about your new book that's coming out in March? Because I'm very excited to to read it. And just like what, tell us what it's all about. 

Tamsen l You're so kind. Yeah, it's called How to Menopause, Take Charge of Your Health, Reclaim Your Life, and Feel Better than Before, Even Better Than Before. You know, I wanted this to be really expert driven, because there are some really incredible experts out there that I think are really helpful, and it helped me. So I wanted to create kind of a menopause guide or manual to help cut through that chaos. I think it's a really difficult time in a woman's life. There's a lot of noise, there's a lot going on, not, not very easy to concentrate. And I want to help people stop asking the questions. You know, what is happening me and why did no one tell me this? And so that's really what how to menopause is about. It's got actionable steps, evidence based tools. I've got over 42 experts in there interviewed. And you know, we talk about things that happen after you leave the doctor's office, what happens there? How to Deal with your appointments, what questions to ask and then what to do afterwards. So we go into a lot of different pieces of advice for other parts of your life. And I felt like with the relationship background, it was important to to draw from that. Talk about sex, talk about work. Workplace is a huge part of this conversation, and I think it was really necessary to add that to this book. 

Robin l Well you're doing you're doing so much good work, Tamsen, and I'm very excited, like the documentary is fantastic. We are learning so much, so it's changing perspectives and education educating. So thank you very much. And I can't wait to read your book, and it's been a pleasure talking to you. So thank you so much for being on our show today.

Tamsen l Thank you.